Gold at the end of the rainbow is a common phrase of Irish origin, but it describes my current state very well. I feel like I’m looking for the place where the rainbow hits the ground, and I’m getting distracted by butterflies along the way.
Which is of course very beautiful, but I’m wondering if all these things I also want to do, that grab my attention, aren’t just distracting me from where I actually want to go. I’m not sure if I want to believe this though because all these butterflies are pointing to things that are also incredibly important to me. The challenge is sorting through which butterfly will join me on the path and which one I leave behind.
Here are some of the butterflies I’ve encountered along the way:
Butterfly 1: joining someone on a horse hike
Butterfly 2: summer camp in Åland
Butterfly 3: horse internship
Butterfly 4: hitchhiking to Norway
Butterfly 5: or plane
Butterfly 6: or buy a car?
Butterfly 7: dance education
Butterfly 8: starting my own business
Butterfly 9: spending all my money on coaching to sort through all of these butterflies
Butterfly 10: riding to Norway with my horses
…and many more.
And you know, all of these dreams and ideas are perfectly fine and amazing and individually definitely something I’d do or recommend anyone else do. But….I tried to cram them all into 2-4 weeks.
I think my rainbow is moving to Norway. This is what sparks the most excitement in me. Where everything else suddenly falls into place. Where everything else suddenly has meaning and reason. Where I currently gather energy from.
These past few months I’ve been tearing myself apart over the decision of what to do the rest of 2026. My dance programme of the last year was coming to an end. I got a spot in the 3 year professional education, but I was hesitant. At the end of 2025, Norway started calling me again. And I listened.
A random Christmas holiday solo trip back to Senja quickly tuned into the most exciting discovery of my life, probably. What started as a “I need some time for myself” ended up a coming home and finding the place I’ve been searching for my entire life. Somewhere I can combine all parts of myself. Horses, creativity, nature… A place where I’m welcome and valued for what I can contribute. Flaws and all. A place where my visions can become reality.
And ironically, it is right where I dreamed it to be all along. Sometimes we just need to return with new and open eyes.
I realise that I sound very dreamy and naive writing and feeling this, especially since encountering the technical, financial and logistical challenges of figuring out how to. But also, will I be able to support and allow this life once it no longer is a dream or a vision, but physical reality? Am I ready to take this step into independence?
I’m taking the next two months to try to figure that out. The actual physical steps of finding a job, a place to live and most importantly a place for the horses.
Eistla and I are hitchhiking to Senja this week.
But first, one important butterfly: my grandma’s 89th birthday.