These last weeks have been hard. I didn’t think her loss would affect me THIS badly. I don’t know why I would say this.
Since her diagnosis, I went into practical mode. Denial even. I looked up alternative cancer treatments (I thought brokkoli and mushrooms could fix her), I went into planning mode, I thought about taking her with me on a last trip, I made the calls to the vet, I tried to prepare myself for the loss and reasoned that it would be okay, that it was sensible. But I didn’t think what it would feel like afterwards.
I can’t even find proper words.
I’m not able to process this in a verbal, written or otherwise creative way.
I think that is normal, but it is sad because in the future, I would love to have all of these memories documented.
All I can do is cry and feel.
Which is something because I normally can’t do that.
There is so much emptiness now. Everyone is deeply affected.
I didn’t know how important she was. I didn’t appreciate it enough. She filled a space that can’t be replaced with anyone or anything else.
I mmiss her so incredibly much.