My course of life so far hasn’t been linear or particularly rosy. In fact, if I had to write a CV it would look very empty and at the same time chaotic.
Unfortunately, in conversations with others this comes up. „Unfortunately“ because I feel ashamed, and I still put myself under the pressure that I should have done something and should be doing something.
Something being pretty unspecific. Just something, that isn’t sitting around or wandering aimlessly. Something on paper preferably. And then what would I do with that paper?
It also makes me insecure about my future plans. Every plan that I was looking forward to before, has now become inferior to the amazing stories others have. Because who am I to want to do something exciting? Who am I to want to inspire people?
I haven’t even done anything.
I’m not even qualified in anything.
Why on earth would I think my story is interesting or even important?
I haven’t even done anything.
The arguments kind of stop here. They aren’t many and they’re easily disproved, but they are still strong. For some reason.
Maybe I sometimes like drowning myself in my soup of swirling negativity too much.
I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m torn between longing for a home and wanting to move. If I’m in someone else’s place, I feel like there is no space for me; if I’m in my own place, I feel stranded; if I’m in no place, I feel lost. Because I want to have a place that has space for me, where I can move in my own energy and connect, but where I can also explore and travel to other places from.
I have no idea what that is supposed to look like and how I won’t get overwhelmed from the task.
I wish someone could just tell me the answer. Like a teacher with a math problem.