For years there has been mostly nothing. A few periods of activity here and there, but they were so minor that they don’t feel like they counted (but they were still very important!).
It is great to feel the energy and creativity around me now. I am still in Dreamvalley, where I fit into the daily routines, contributing my part to tasks like building (fences and a roof!), horse care and household work like cooking and cleaning and later helping a sheep farmer herding sheep, feeding them vitamins and marking them. And my work is appreciated, not criticised.
A couple of days ago I overthought the use of my days and noticed that I was in a working routine – which was great – but I was lacking (not necessarily missing at the time) an important creative part which is one of the reasons I’m here – my whole van is full of painting stuff, some instruments, camera and recording equipment. Before I went to Dreamvalley, I had slowly started writing again, but slightly neglected that when I got used to the daily routines here.
I decided (or just did) to make some space for creativity and started writing and editing the video clips I had recorded throughout my journey.
And wow.
The energy this gave – and gives me – is amazing. My brain is exploding with ideas that just wait to be realised. I feel mentally and even physically alive: I run and jump around, notice my surroundings, make jokes and laugh, talk to people and using my body again feel very good.
Sometimes it is actually getting a little too much: the past couple of days I have been editing the video until 2am next to working on the farms all day. When I had exhausted my creative potential for that day, my brain just asked: ‚What’s next!? I can do this all night!‘ My body replied: ‚Sleep‘, but it took a bit of discussion to convince the brain of this idea.
In order to write this blog entry my brain (and dog) woke me up at 4am and started forming an idea and later thinking out the words. This happened half asleep, so there was a brief moment of decision making whether I should fully wake up and write it down or let the idea pass. You can see the result and I’m glad I got to collect this.
What I’m lacking now is balance. When I do something (properly), I’m always all in. I want to be able to share my energy with other tasks and let one thing rest when it is time for another.
What I have learned: it is important to observe what you are doing, figuring out if there is something missing and making space for it in order to be more balanced.
What I’m grateful for: feeling alive and creative and perceptive.