Yesterday, I worked my last day. Today, I left.
I’m sad.
But it’s what I wanted. In a way.
The work wasn’t suited for me and the kind of life I want, which led to me feeling very depressed again. All I wanted was to quit, leave or sleep.
Eventually, I worked up the nerve to actually do that, but when the time came around and reality set in (it wasn’t just a feeling and thought in my head, but actually happening!), I felt sad and scared and doubtful. Well, exactly as before I guess, but in a different way.
I didn’t want to say good-bye to all these great people who have helped and given me so much. Who work so hard to build a beautiful community in this beautiful, but harsh place, almost located at the end of the world…or land. I didn’t want to say good-bye to the dreams and what could have been. The reasons why I came and stayed.
But ironically, I never went to any events, or skiing or hiking, or explored the island as I planned to. I just went to work and sleep.
I came during the daylight when the snow hadn’t stayed yet, and I left in the dark, surrounded by snow. Both moments beared light and dark. None of them are good or bad. Am I making „the right decision“? No idea.
Yes and no, probably.
Whichever decision I made, would have been right in that moment and shaped the right path afterwards. Or left.
There were a lot of dark or grey periods in between. During the dark times, with the sun totally absent, the village almost fell asleep and as did I. That perhaps also influenced my decision. Just in the past couple of days, the sun rapidly came closer and closer and the village awoke again. But maybe so did I, ready to make a decision – and therefore actually witnessed the activity!
I’m leaving with a good feeling though. Just as I came. Attending events, talking to people, going out in the forest. But this time I know the people and the paths. I drive the road out of the village, the same I came in, in reverse. In my head, I go through the memories of arriving and the things that happened later. It’s good.
A little further up at a nice view point of the village, I look out the window and see a light. A green light. A northern light. I stop and get out and watch the beams dancing over the village. Take a nice picture to remember. I say thank you and good-bye.
The northern lights accompany me the whole drive. A little later, I stop at another view point and when I get out, the whole sky is exploding from all sides in fast dancing green and even a little red in all beautiful shapes. These are my first big northern lights. I’m mesmerised and just stare into the sky, not sure which direction to look in first. Eventually I continue.
They are there until I find a place to sleep for the night. A see-you-later-party in the sky just for me.