It’s been a while. I was supposed to write a different text (one I wanted to write instead of the last post already), but I drifted off. For the second time! So the long overdue post will (hopefully) be the next one.
I’ve been working full-time, and it takes some getting used to. The shift work, the nature of the work, the new „lifestyle“. I get so tired sometimes that I do nothing else but work, and it totally kills my creativity and energy. I feel like what I’m creating is horrible and unimportant (does everything need to be important?). However, these feelings don’t stem from a deeper belief or external pressure. Just the fact that I’m tired and overwhelmed, and that provides a target for automatic bad thoughts.
I’m sad that I’m missing out on creating (shitty) texts, (horrible) music and (bad quality) filming. That I also work or sleep on the few hours of daylight we get. But I chose this chapter for a reason. With some time I think I will get used to the new and confusing rhythm.
I am doing other equally important things instead! I am testing my patience and resilience, learning to control (and not control) my mind, so I can use it when I need it and shut it up when I don’t. I am learning how to work together with others, but also how to take better care of myself in the process. I am challenging myself and proving that I can do so much more than I thought, and that my strong doubts are usually unjustified if I just give the situation a chance. I am learning these things both by doing them myself, but also by observing what the people around me do – for „good“ and for „bad“.
Sometimes these sacrifices have to be made, and this is something I have come to know many times now. From every sacrifice also comes a gain. And if with that gain we can later make up for it again, we never really lost anything! In the end we will be further than without the sacrifice.
At least that’s how I justify leaving my horses in Germany for now…
What I have learned: wait a bit, stick with it, things come back, some sacrifices are okay
What I’m grateful for: opportunities out of my comfort zone. The chance to grow both in important areas and areas I NEVER would have considered!