As always, the plan to move on „tomorrow“ got overthrown and we only left Dreamvalley today – Wednesday. Which was a very good decision as it brought me some calmness and moments I wouldn’t want to have missed: I saw my first Northern Lights! They were very small, white and could have easily been missed or mistaken for light pollution or leftover sunlight, but still beautiful and unique. I am excited to see more now!
This time, the decision to not stick to the plan was surprisingly easy and without resistance. We are learning!
I still found it hard to leave though – I had gotten very comfortable there. Of course it is nicer to stay in the same place, in a house, with a warm fire, delicious food, amazing people and animals! But it is not our time yet and the journey continues.
Those extra days gave me a little more time to let go of the place and not leave like a storm passing through, leaving everything in chaos. I left feeling more at peace. The time had come to move on.
Only, I didn’t fully feel that until I had left and am now humanly alone again at a parking spot for the night, calming down and overthinking and -feeling the recent events.
It is strange to be alone and independent again. Almost as if I have forgotten how it feels (after 2 weeks!). I don’t know what to do with myself and have both the leftover crackling energy that thinks:
„I WANT TO DO SOMETHING, I MUST DO SOMETHING, EVERYTHING, FAST, NOW, NO NEED FOR SLEEP OR ANYTHING ELSE AS LONG AS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING!“
But there is also the quietness, the rest that my body was seeking and not getting. The serenity that is okay with not doing anything.
In the past week I have found myself wondering if there was something wrong with me, why I had this chaotic energy and why I couldn’t control it. It felt both good of course (finally doing and creating again), but it was also too much and I started to think I was wrong; there was some mistake.
No.
That energy came from being closely around other people.
It wasn’t caused by the others, nor wrong by me, but rather my fine-tuned senses picking up a lot of interpersonal energies (just the presence of a (nice) person is enough) and not knowing what to do with and how to process this overload of information.
In Germany I built a wall of protection around me that prevents those energies from reaching me and I isolated myself so that I wouldn’t be around them. The feeling of being wrong was omnipresent.
Here, it seems that the walls are slowly crumbling and that is of course scary and confusing in the beginning. While I know theoretically, I have forgotten what it really feels like.
Now that I am alone, I can clearly feel the difference and with every hour the energies are falling away from me. What stays is tranquility.
What I have learned: I need to take care of myself (I probably need to start calling this „what I’ve realised“ because of course I haven’t learned this either!)
What I’m grateful for: I am grateful for my sensitivity, despite the difficulties it currently brings. I’m grateful to be on my journey and on the road again